tBlog

The Confession of GymBenny: A Wannabe Muscle Boi

11.25.04 (11:48 pm) [edit]

It's been 2 months already that I get back to the gym again as I abandoned working out and cursed all the muscle boys in the world for having better bodies than mine. Finally the whole 1 and a half hour routine proves really working!!! The first fitness test which took place a week after join the olympic club, I only weight 54.9 Kg which is way too thin and I knew that and look at me today 59.7 Kg, almost 5 kg in 8 weeks time ( actually it's up for 4 kg in the first 6 week and almost one last kilo has been added up 2 weeks later )

Not only the joy I have to myself but as last night after pushng my lazy ass to go torturing myself there. Wearing white sort of tight tank top, one of the good instructor as he always gives me work out tips just happened to notice my chest and said that I have reassy pec! Oh really...Thank you darling, my ego is about to explode, moreover he just walked closer and literally grab my chest...Oops now that is weird but nevermind he really admires me ( or my pec at least ). I think I could gain more energy to do additional 1-2 sets. I was really exhausted, good exhausted though. Ugh damn you!!!

Anyway, I went on to do another exercise that's when another instructor praised me like: "You get pretty much bigger now." oh really I thought to myself. "You've got good board shoulders and arms obviously." Oh now I don't believe you. "I think my shoulders are not board at all because all the time people think of me as a quite small person. "Just look at yourself in the mirror. See, you have shoulders and biceps also triceps as well. You'll have to compare that to yourself not to compare with someone else." Ehh...maybe the reason why I think that I never have board shoulders is that my head is too big, I think. That gave me more energy to do additional 2-3 sets. Oh boy I was really exhausted now, good exhausted though. Ugh damn you!!!

For some reason now I think I am attracted to men with good bodies and I think it becomes more and more obvious to me. Who wouldn't feel attractive to men with nice 6 packs ab right? There are 2 things that I'm sort of worry about which is that I'll become one of those muscle mary who whose life will be full of sex, work out and protein shake and the most important of all I'm afraid of meaningless life which lead to nowhere and when I realize that I'd wake up one day with wrinkle all over my face and life of nothing productive or useful. Oh boy, give me good body and conciousness well, if that's not too much yet I also want good sex also. Bitchslap.

Desperate Houseboi

11.25.04 (6:17 pm) [edit]

"Hey, Pxxx where the hell have you been, I called you like million times already. Anyway happy thanksgiving though, oh and Loy Kratong as well." That was the first line I greeted to mr.P after the attempt to reach him sine a couple of days ago.
"Oh, sorry for that. I just start the 10 days thai massage course at Wat Po." He replied back with his excuse. "And thank you for that but you know that thanksgiving is another american propaganda. Anyway, do you have any plan for Loy Kratong?"
"Oh no, I don't do Loy Kratong for ages now and I don't think that I'll do it this year. Just go and have a dinner with friend." Ugh..I said it without feeling jaded at all but when looked back what I said it is OBVIOUSLY jaded. "By the way, I think I need a massage here and ther..."
"Get in line, boy!" He intruded the sentence up before I could finish mine.

Since when I have to get in line, anyway. Duh!!!

At the gym, after storm of question about where I'll be for Loy Kratong which my answers were I wouldn't go anywhere for the occassion, how desperate, and pumping blood in to my vein, doing my pec exercise madly, my cell phone was ringing the tune that sound pretty much like the sound of special effect when you see the movie where there is angel or fairies appear. It was J.. Oh boy, I just thought about ya but thought that I'd call him the after but nevermind that he called me.
"Hi, sir. This is Jxxx xxxxxxx calling from The Home of Good Boy." He started the conversation just like that. Isn't he cute or what.
"Oh, how lovely. What can I help you, good boy?" I played with him a little bit.
"Oh, I just call to say hi and see how have you been doing." He asked very politely.
"I'm good and in the middle of working out. What about yourself?" I asked back.
"I just got home from work." It's 7 something PM already and he just got home when he usually gets home about 5 or 6, yesterday was late.
Anyway, to cut it short. The conversation continued until one point where I asked him about tonight if he's available, which he is not exactly available since he has a friend coming over from Vienna two days ago and he's sort of waiting him to call and set the date but that guy didn't call him yet. So he'd like to spare the day for another foreigner in town but my attempt wasn't finished so soon yet.
"Oh wait, I have another question to ask. Do you think you'll have free time this weekend?" I asked desperately but hope that the answer would be somewhat I like it to be but unfortunately it isn't.
"I'm afraid that I'll not be available." He said. Ugh..what a desperate suicidal attempt from a desperate houseboi me.

Note : Loy Kratong is one of the biggest festival here in Thailand and this year Loy Kratong day is Friday 25 November. ( The date is subject to change depends on the lunar calendar when suppose to be on the night of 12th fullmoon of the year ) This festive event is held in the belief of both Buddism, whose motive is to pay respect to Lord Buddha ( correct me if I'm wrong ), and Hinduism, whose motive is to pay apology to Gangga The God of Water that we have spoil the water, rivers and canals, as Thai people since the old days likely to live by the waterfront and they drank, bathed, washed, disposed or even slept in/on/by the water, and hope that she will forgive and bless us for water to be used again next year. Anyway, Loy Kratong Day has crossed barrier of the religious belief and everybody celebrate this event joyfully along the rivers, canals or ponds.

Here is what one of American First Lady, Senator Hilary Clinton said about Loy Kratong here in Thailand ( taken from http://www.suk11.com/loy_kratong_festival.htm" title="http://www.suk11.com/loy_kratong_festival.htm" target="_blank"http://www.suk11.com/loy_krat... ):

"Being here in the year celebrating the 700th anniversary of Chiang Mai and the 50th anniversary of His Majesty' s accession to the throne—and being here during the annual Festival of Lights -- makes this visit even more memorable.

Last night, I was able to go down to the Ping river and watch the Loy Kratong festivities. I could see children and families gathered along the banks, launching beautiful banana-leaf and bamboo boats into the water. And as I put a float in the water it occurred to me that, just as families across Thailand are coming together this week to celebrate the harvest and strengthen the bonds of family, Americans are now preparing for our Thanksgiving holiday. For us, it is a time to gather with loved ones and friends to give thanks for the many blessings we have enjoyed throughout the year."

Bangkok Pride 2004

11.23.04 (11:14 pm) [edit]
Huh...this year Pride Parade in Bangkok weren't the same ( and for me it meant nothing at all ) without my dearest Rick. Since he left the kingdom of Thailand and headed to Spain, I guess he might miss some of this. So I'll present to you the pics from such event in his honor. Wherever you are, we will definitely miss you.

Welcome to Bangkok

11.23.04 (7:07 pm) [edit]

After a while of discussing on the internet whether we ( I mean Bagkok Blogger Population ) should start our city a MetroBlog as they have that in many major cities around this globe of blog, such as one of my most beloved city: Washington D.C., New York City, San Francisco, Toronto, London, Istanbul and Tokyo. So if you who live here or you who don't live here but just want to peak and see what it is like in the city from a very interesting point of view by our contributors, Baba, Ben Harris, Chrisada Sookdhis, Him, Lynn, Polpat Arkkrapridi and Rasee.

So what are you waiting for come and visit us here virtually at http://bangkok.metblogs.com" title="http://bangkok.metblogs.com" target="_blank"http://bangkok.metblogs.com Hope you enjoy your staying here.

Consciously Romantic

11.22.04 (6:17 pm) [edit]

"Ooh...the weather is getting colder already, I should find a hot canadian boy to make me warmmm...mmm" I texted message J. last night.
":-)" he replied back.

Once the winter has arrived, the lonely heart get kind of lonelier, well at least just for me. Maybe it is because of the nature of the season that when people get cold they tend to find something to warm themself up, physically they'll find sweaters, jackets, coats or blankets but mentally close friends, boyfriends, partners...for me, just a date would be just perfect.

A few hours later his name was showing up on my cell phone. Ooh boy he hooked the bait ( or I would say he know how to pull the string exactly ). As far as I know that he has been VERY busy with the work at the school, but I think that he work too hard though, and he admitted that he has been working non stop for a couple of weeks already and he slipped out that it would be really nice to work in such fine weather like this in Lumpinee Park. Yes, indeed. I'd love that, I just thought of walking in the park with him would be romantic but my brain was still occupied by the horror of Final Destination 2 during my dinner though so I didn't tease him saying that I would LOVE to go with him, even though he hadn't open his mouth to ask me yet. I think that at some point I am a romantic person in the conscious level.

Ooh boy, just ask me out will ya.

Physical Attraction

11.16.04 (6:46 am) [edit]

Bangkok is pretty much like other big cities in the world such as New York, Los Angeles, Sydney or Tokyo where there are a lot of good looking men and we can't avoid the fact that it's such amazing that you can walk around and see all those beautiful men everywhere, restaurants, bars, streets, or even in the temples.

And when it comes to dating or hooking up we have to admit that if we could have choice we would go for the one with the good looking rather than just normal looking one, and there is nothing wrong with that though. While I'm on this subject I'm reading my daily horoscope from The Astrodient which said that:

Physical attraction
This influence usually arouses your interest in finding or enjoying a partner and contributes to the physical side of a sexual relationship. But its energy may cause discord, especially if there are hidden tensions in the relationship.

A reasonably healthy relationship will have little difficulty during this time. But if your relationship is in trouble, you will probably have arguments and other forms of discord, all arising from unexpressed sexuality. If you are not currently involved in a sexual relationship, you will probably be inordinately attracted to find a partner, without being very discriminating. Therefore this is not the best influence under which to start a relationship, since it may be based only on physical attraction.

I know that many times people have physical attraction for each other in the first place and chances are that might lead into something else too, but my question is that: Can physical attraction lead into something that is more than just sex?

During lunch with Mark today I asked him this question and the answer I got back is that it would be just fine if it's just only quickies. He seemed unsure about the answer beyond that point but I think maybe I got his point. I mean if people feel physically attracted to somebody then it could easily turn into sex because of the sexual tension that occured around two people. But what if time past, would that physical attraction still stay or it would go away like the first note of the most luxurious perfume you've ever bought and once the newer exotic scent have been launch the old bottle would be left unnoticed there on your shelf. The only way out to that problem is that the person should get some of his attribute resurface not only his gorgeous envelope that surely fade away sooner or later. But the major problem would be that the other person will make any effort seaching for something that less superficial than the beauty that eyes can see but the beauty within that requires other of your sense to feel it. Once the person have reach to it, he would definitely reach the footnote of that same old once luxurious perfome he enjoyed before.

Words or Wind Blow

11.14.04 (8:44 pm) [edit]

Weekend had passed once again and nothing happened much lately, considered from last weekend this would be very quiet. I was on msn messenger during the week with mr.P and he's coming to town this week, to be accurate, tonight. I think he's in transitional moment where he's thinking deep whether where and what to do next. I'm sure that he'll have certain plan A and of course plan B and definitely plan C as well.

And earlier today, I was talking to him again via the messenger. Just like normal conversation we usually have, but something in it made me thinking. I told him that M. took me out for sunday brunch at the Four Seasons Hotel. He mentioned about his romantic weekend with "THE" guy. Ugh..I felt like a big wave had started to move around in my tummy for some reason. Not that I'm getting jealous ( I don't do that kinda thing )or anything but it just the way people ( that I used to "spend time" with )talking about the third person. It made me wonder that what would they talked about me or at least ever.

I know that it's unproductive thinking that way because when thing is over, it's OVER. ( If there is ever such THING. ) Just like the time when Koby was talking about that 23 years old boy he met in DJ's Station, I asked him who's he and blah blah blah. He said back to me that he's just a boy and he would go home that night and fuck the boy. Ughh..honestly my heart sinked not because of the exist of the other boy but just the way he said. I know that at some point people using another person for some ( maybe with certain ) reasons, even it's just for sex, friendship, relationship, love, substitute for love. For my case I think that I choose to walk into the pitfall with my own conciousness to see how it feels and think that the way back up shouldn't be so hurtful and it's not really that hurtful at all.

For most of the time I tend to look forward and try not to keep the bad memory hanging like a big burden. I just left where it should belong. Maybe I should do the same to what "THEY" might say about me, just leave it where it truly belongs. Life goes on, anyway, with or without all those wind coming out from somebody's mouths just wind blow which is come and gone at last.

Canadian Romance 1.0

11.11.04 (5:41 pm) [edit]

The begining of this week had passed quite slowly as I tried to get myself over the monday boredom. It passed, actually. Not really thinking about J., but that hand holding incident was still on the back of my mind and maybe it didn't mean anything at all, just like whatever happened to me with another guys before. Until tuesday was coming, I finally got meself being productive, he's calling me and wondering if I wanted to meet for wine that night. Of course I will be able to find time for that!!!

It was the second time I was at his place, first was when I first met him and we got absolutely drunk. He's nice and smell really good in that Dior's Higher Energy he wore. After a lil greeting off we went to his living room, enjoyed our conversation, it was really obviuos that he's really into what he's doing, which is teaching. I think that it's a really good thing when people have that kind of passion. He talked about books, teacheing and kids at his school, well actually there were few of the administrators also whom he said that they are , sort of, stupid. Anyway, like ususal that I am always a good listener, but I also give opinionas well, but I think I don't feel talkative at all lately..so maybe he noticed that and stoped talking and staring at me, again. Until one point, his buit-in sofa was no longer comfortable anymore so he decided to laydown on the floor by his triangle pillow which he thought would be better but the bad thing was that he'd have his neck sore from talking to me. With my decency and all, I managed myself to sit on the floor next to him with his legs on my lap. Even though when I sit I don't usually rest my back on the rester or back of the chair but one thing I don't really liek is that sitting on the floor. So I decided to ly down next to him..and a few minutes later he put his arm on my back. O boy I got it! So I turned on my back and put my head on his chest. That's it he's got that clue too.

We hold ourselves there for awhile until I looked up to him and his face was really close and off he said: "I try not to kiss you all night" and I smiled back at him. I think that there is this kind of thing when soem people try not to do something I'll try to let him loose from doin somewhat he might be fighting himself not to. We kissed eventually, passionately ( I think ). O boy...I like this guy. Let's see what will happen next.

Life Is Happening With Just The Flash of A Weekend

11.09.04 (8:48 pm) [edit]

I couldn't believe that there would be so much happening to me since last friday. As I mentioned before that my life was pretty much standing still without any movement and I felt SOBER. It was changed, not upside-down just in dynamic. Let's see what's really happened :

My First trip to Court
Ugh...never imagine before that I'll have to go to the court, for your information: I'm not the defendant tho :p, accompanying M. as he pressed charge against his old employer. Sort of exciting tho, and I got myself involved to his case already as his interpreter. Everything went smoothly and judges seemed to handle the situation quite well tho. But it ended up that the defendant's lawyer who showed up that day is working for the company that bought the business from his old employer. So we set up another negotiation session in the next 3 weeks. I hope that it won't turn out to be awful.

Bangkok Bloggers Gathering
Yea...finally we did it. I mean the meeting for the first time after a month-long preparation. Err..do we have to prepare ourselves for beer? Hehehe. There were 8 of us that day, which were Stuart, Piyawat, Paul, Baba, Him, Ben ( another, Farang, one ) and Oui and, of course, HRH benbehavingbadly*. The evening went really good with good beer and REALLY LOUD music from the speakers on the side of our HUGE table which we ended up shouting at each others. Unfortunately that I wasn't in a really chatty mood so I just yelled.err..I mean shouted to get people heard of me and at one point I thought that I'll keep myself low and smiled as usual. Well actually Paul mentioned about a japanese steak house in soi Patpong, Sarika. Actually the first and last tim eI went to that place was when I still had things to do with Tom, the norwegian one. Anyway, we agreeed on that the food there was really gooooooood, especially the sarika steak. If you have any chance to go by there just walk a lil nit further down on the left hand side of th esoi and pass the Lucifer pub and not so long you'll find the hidden treasure of world cuisine. You'll be very surprised to see that there is this place there. The place is pretty much like standing there for 30 years or something, who knows it might have been ther forever already. Go and try that steak yourself and you'll not regret!!!

Everybody-think-that-it-i s-ridiculous Biking Trip
Yes, finally we did it, me and Mark, after a while of postponing it and I think that I couldn't let him wait no longer anymore and the fact that I thought that I don't really get intimate with anyone so what the hell. We started off at his condo at noon, yes..noon sharp. After we hit the road for 30 minutes I looked at my arms to check that my sunblock was working BUT it was not at all. I got tan. Really. Nevermind that the whole biking trip was really fun and I have to admit that I can't wait to go for the new one.
PS I thought that my legs are gonne be so sore but it's not that at all except for my ass.

Memory Came Back To Life, Again
After the adventure of teh day we, me and Mark, used the auspicious occasion that his boyfriend went out of town to go party! Not really though we went to Silom soi 2 to be more accurate. The night went quite intersting as we ran into Koby, and Chris. Hmm.. and a coupl eof minutes later Tom was there..ughhh....Anyway after dancing there and saw the memory come back and haunt me again we decided to head back downstairs to go to the expresso and AGAIN we ran into Benz, my first guy. Ughhhhhhhhhh Were everybody out that night or what...Quite funny actually though actually. I just never imagine that I'll meet almost everyone in just one night. Fun night.

Curiosity of A Palm Reader: Canadian Romance
Sunday morning was really interesting as I had a coffee date with J. after I met him about a couple of weeks earlier. One thing I thought was that he might just want to, you know...just sex, but maybe I was wrong. The late morning coffee was interupted by the very hot temper farang at La Bourange Cafe in soi Convent. Along the way to the park, I noticed that he touched me more trhan usual, you know like touch your back and that kinda thing. Anyway, it was really nice tho in the park. We sat there minding our own business and criticized people running gesture. Again that I felt like he was looking at me for many times. Until the sun's getting stronger we decided to head back to Silom to get some drink. We went to Coffee Society and there was no table available except the one on the second floor where you can lay down with piles of pillows. When we lie down close to each others so I offered to read his palms and felt that his hands are very soft. I think his hands are softer than me though. After finished that our hands still stayed there pretty closely until point point he grab my hand and hold it for a while until we got interupted by his ex phone call. My heart goes boom once again.

M's Hidden Secret Revealed
I went for late late lunch with M and I think that was the second time when we talked about deep issue like relationship. I managed to get the information that actually he liek older guy than him as in boyfriend and he REALLY into isaan look. Hmmm....what should I do with this case anyway.

Ok that's it for the whole weekend. Really felt tired though but I think that it was soomething that I wanted it to happen so I'm happy with that.

PS. More to come on Canadian Romance ;-)

Pattern

11.03.04 (1:25 am) [edit]

After strolling in Pantip Plaza with Koby for the evening, I think that I have come to the point where I felt like Miranda in " The Domino Effect" the episode 85 of the HBO hit series, Sex and the city. I had to admit that I was torn by that he's talking to a "new boy". Oh god why didn't you send me someone to show off like that too.

There was a time when I was still messing around with him and one saturday moring for the first time he was listening to me talking on the phone to another farang and after that I went to see that farang friend, Mark. I had the feeling that he might feel "something" from that as well ( or maybe not). But one thing for sure that there is nothing between me and mark besides "friendship" that we give to each other.

Anyway, there was something interseting about Koby and his "new boy" though. He was seeing this boy for third time now ( and sex wasn't really that great ) and he's still gonna see him again last night. As he told me he's supposed to find the real reason ASAP!!!

To my guess, things tend to fall for the same pattern all the time, so you know what's gonna be happened next...

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25 Years Old With 25 Guys In 5 Years

11.02.04 (12:12 am) [edit]

As now I am 25 and came out for sometimes when I was in second year in school. I just wonder how many guys people can have sex with through years and years. So I started counting...eww...scary. Ok I finally came up with the number of 25, yes just like how old I am. So for the last 5 years, 25 guys are not considered a lot at all. To break down the number, so basically 5 guys a year. Not a lot at all. Approximately new guy once evry 2 months. Ehh think of it in a good way so that M. can be a new start for my number 26. Ehh..why do I have to talk about the number here anyway. Maybe I just have too much of free time....ugh..gotta go now and pretend that I'm busy now.

Ciao

Wrong Seat, Right Seat

11.01.04 (4:52 pm) [edit]

Last night after hurried myself to the gym and did intense work out for 45 minutes, I felt like dying. The whole reason was that I'll have a dinner with my dearest Mark who just came back from Koh Samet on sunday evening. He was there since 5 pm for spinning class, swimming and a lil bit of bicep work and I arrived there at 7pm so basically his body was officially sore by the time.

Anyway, it's unusual that Mark wanted to come over to Saladaeng, Silom area. We went there for a dinner. After finding many reestaurants around the gayborhood we decided to stick to what we always have, namely japanese food.

As usual, our conversation would be interupted by the form of thai guys passing by, but good luck for me that allthose guys were accompanied by the living form of white males quite good looking though so the whole cruising oops! I mean dinner was very pleasing enough.

Almost everytime me and Mark go for dinner or anything I'll end up picking th ewrong seats all the time so I'll miss mostly everything. Until one point I was sort of wondering if he has a gaydar built-in somewhere inside of his head so he knows where they gonna be.

*** *** ***

More on M.

Called him last night and he didn't pick up. Bummer.

benontheblock