Good Mood, Eye Candy, Gym Bunny
09.30.04 (8:34 am) [edit]I am in a pretty good mood actually today. I think that is from working out...hmm...socializing...huh I mean exercising really :p Maybe it's part of hormone utilization in body is in balance and..oh...yes, Endorphin it is.
Anyway, for me it's like without friends and other distraction at the gym, my work out seems to be more productive. But one good thing is that there is absolutely eye candy for me at all...urgh...what a waste of money, but nevermind I'll focus on my work out only.
I think that for good work out I should set up goal(s). For now I just want to be familiar with the equipment using in the gym maybe in the maximum of 2 weeks and the 2-4 weeks later I should be able to balance few more weight using. That's my goal right now.
Oh, it's passed my gym time already. I'll see you after the gym. Bye for now.
From GymBunnyBenbehavingbadly*
LONELINESS : The Sexually Transmitted Disease
09.29.04 (4:20 am) [edit]As the world seems to be spinning faster and faster, at some point, people tend to face away from each other more and more each day. With the burden carried around with everyday as in work and less time to cherish the most important part of their bodies : the inner soul.
In the always-a-rush-hour society people are busy making money and physically pampered themself but they might not know that the flower growing inside is about to die out of water. the Quality of Living is becoming less, the Quality of Life is becoming less, the Quality of Love is becoming less. The body is happily funtioned but the mind is somewhat neglected. The flower is falling without blossom.
Sex, the activity that both linked with physically needs and, sometimes, with mentally needs is part of the whole new society change these days. Whether it is heterosexual or homosexual, people try to find somethimg to comfort and deliver to their needs quickly. Some might go to the bars, some might go online, some might go for fuck buddies. But they said the change of sex partners is because of the needs to be LOVED. Once they get ( sex? ) what they want, they tend to be unsatisfied with what they got and they still want more. Hungry for Love and hungry for Sex. When they get things they want easily, they will be bored quickly and keep on looking for what they claim that they need. When being asked if they like it, the answer would be "NO", and just want somebody to pay attention to them. These people are afraid of "LONELINESS" : The Sexually Transmitted Disease.
3 Oye, Non-Stop 25 Meter Breast Stroke and Instant Noodle
09.27.04 (6:22 pm) [edit]Oye...It was my third day at the gym yesterday, and oye..My body still sore from the first two day begining session including 20 minutes on that eliptical thingie, sorry I don't know what is that thing really called, and 200 reps of sit-ups and few sets of back extension. Oye...That was a good "Oye" though. Another of my accomplishment from yesterday is that I finally finished up my first non-stop 25 breast stroke...well...I know that sounds very silly 25 metre?...yes it is...I know myself that I am very awful when it comes to "sport" and since I got out of University I never really excercise again. So it's been about 2 years now but I did push ups and sit-ups occasionally . I'm so unfit at all!!!
Anyway, swimming was one of my favourite sport when I was young. My mom took me to my first swimming lesson when I was 9 years old and I swam almost every weekend for about 3 years until I was in 6th grade which was the same time that my swimming teacher ( also a Physical Education teacher at my elementary school also ) ran away with another female teacher who's about to get married in less than 2 months...but that's not all because he's married already. At that time I felt like what the !@#$ is going on here...So that's it for my swimming routine that ended up with awfully messed up runaway married swingers..and left there with a poor and innocent kid, namely : Me.
I think that I just stoped swimming right before the time that my body would grow longer, I mean taller though. If that screwed up teacher didn't do that I'd be like DARK-TALL-AND-HANDSOME by now. I blame you wherever you are!!! Hehehe I'm only kidding though.
Anyway, I did 25 meter breast stroke without any rest in between, somebody would like to celebrate this with me? Hehehe...I already did but unfortunately my favorite spicy noodle place near my house was run out of food so I went across street to 7-11 and got two packs of instant noodle...Hmm what a humble way to cerebrate this nothing accomplishment yesterday.
Unacceptable Behavior
09.27.04 (12:11 am) [edit]I've been bad lately not posting any entries for more than a week. Unacceptable behavior I have. Apologize to all of my readers out there...(hmm..just wonder how many are they besides my regular visitor...if you are frequent readers or anyone who're just passing by, just let me know).
Anyway, I have an excuse, a bad one, though. I had behaved badly as I supposed to do according to my name now, benontheblock benbehavingbadly* . It was gradual change but I enjoy it pretty much as I grow though this period.
I'll come up with the real entry soon. See y'all in a bit!
Thai Things
09.17.04 (1:11 am) [edit]As talking to Steve yesterday and I was struck by his politeness in the way i've never seen in any Farang ( a.k.a. Foreigner ) before. Let say super polite. And after dinner he told me that there are so many things that a foreigner like him would never understand of Thai people. I'd say it's "Thai thing". Here goes...
1."Kreng-jai" : This word has no exact word that equals to it but the closest meaning would be "considerate". To be kreng-jai is pretty much like when you are doing something with someone, and even though that person might not like doing it, he'd go doing it because he thinkks that it's maybe impolite to say that he doesn't want to do it. I thik that plays big part in Thai culture.
2."Noi-jai" : If someone get angry or disappointed at you and never say it in your face and maybe pretend that everything is ok, I'd say that is "Noi-jai". So my suggestion, if you've got soemone "Noi-jai" over you, then try to please him/her and I guess that he/she'll be over it by that pleasure he/she gets.
3."Ngorn" : This one is the ultimate challenge for any Farangs in that land of Baht. Steve comments that "Ngorn" is the last form of "Noi-jai". It's very hard to explain this but I'll try. Err...what can I say, hmmm.."Ngorn" is the obviuosly "Noi-jai"+"Angry"+"irrational (occasionally)"+...every emotion that you can figure out mix together and then youll get the "Ngorn".
Do you understand what I mean?...Huh..No?...How come...sigh...I'm Noi-jai now...why don't you make it up to me?...geez....I'm super "Ngorn" now!!!
The Only Thing I'm Asking For Is Respect
09.14.04 (8:31 pm) [edit]The taxi was stopping by when I hailed for it. I got in and I cried, I tried to stop but it seemed like it's over my control now, I don't know what those tear were for whom but the experience I had recieved 5 minutes ago was somewhat overwhelming. I just could not take it. I can't take it anymore...
*****
As I almost finished working I just ask Koby if I could see him last night. He said sure so I came over. Then we, Stefan and his friend, Wit, went shopping at the night bazaar. For almost 3 hours there, there was only one sentence Koby and I talked to each other and it's just about the sunglasses that he wanna buy. I wouldn't complain because it's just me who want to meet him while he's on his agenda. I wouldn't blame him.
After that we all went to join English Tom, Koby's best friend's boyfriend, at the Telephone bar in soi 4. There we got another guy joining us. He's the one Koby met at the Babylon a couple of weeks ago. They went inside together for like 20-30 minutes and he went back out alone. The rest of us didn't say a word about it. One thing about me is that Jealousy means Nothing to me. I didn't have anything to do with him disappearing with his tricks or any kind of public display of affection, especially in this case where we are/were friends. I honoured him the time that we went to the bathhouse. Even though one of the guy just wanted to hang out with him more but Koby decided to spend the rest of the evening with me. I know that we are/were good friends and he really likes me but he always told me not to fall for him and I did what he told plus the fact that I was not ready for it yet and that I think that Love will take this small amount of time to constitute and that I just off from Norwegian Tom and at some point I have my feeling for Norwegian Tom still but I never let Koby know.
Anyway, we're off from soi 4 and head to DJ Staion for drink and dance. The fact that there were 5 of us ( me, Koby, English Tom, Stefan, Wit ) and Koby was off to dance with his friend, that guy. So the rest of us were forced to be couple up, Stefan with his friend, Wit. Me with English Tom. The night has gone to the point where I coudn't fake a smile anymore. I think that Stefan saw it on my face but just didn't say anything. After that English tom asked me if I wanna go dancing downstairs, so I went down with him. It was fun for a moment. Then, Koby and the group of that guy's friends came downstairs dancing a few feet away. I enjoyed myself as English Tom was flirting with a japanese guy. Soon Koby moved a lil clser until we were next to each other but he was dancing closely to another Thai guy. Honestly I don't have anything with that since I've seen this kind of thing from out clubbing with him before. There was nothing exciting about the scene at all until they were kissing right in front of my face in my presence. You know what, there are many things that he or anyone I'm with would do and I'll be 100% fine with it, namely having someone elses, going to nasty places, having sex with someone elses but this kind of thing, This Kiss is unacceptable for me. It's not the kiss but respect is only thing I'm asking for...
*****
Is That Too Much Asking For?
This Year Resolution
09.14.04 (3:41 am) [edit]It's been like 3 months since I ran into my best best friend and his now-ex-girlfriend at MBK. Last night we reunited once again for the sake of my birthday, we went to see "The Terminal", not bad for a birthday treat, isn't it? The movie struck me with its theme of "waiting". Sometimes people are waiting for things in life that may not happen after all but it's hope that keeps them alive. Just like Amila, Catherine Zeta Jones' character, I fell for the guy who's in relationship. I also help him get through bad situation with his boyfriend, "I'm I sick or what?"
I think that it's gonna be a very good resolution for my this year as I grow picking up the pieces of my once broken heart and mend it with myself, no one supposed to do it better than me right? It was nice and comfort when I look back to what I'd done before becomes motion pictures right in front of me. Even though I didn't choose to ga back to "him" anymore.
I'd better take good care of my heart from now on. Be there with me.
I'm on the TOP!!!
09.13.04 (8:07 am) [edit]Yeah, baby! I'm on the top. Top of the state tower which locate the world highest outdoor restaurant : [url=http://www.2bangkok.com/2bang...]Sirocco[/url] . It's quite nice and very very fancy. The View down below is sooooo spectacluar. The main river of Thailand which runs through the heart of Bangkok is among the darkness of the the night that's illuminated by the light of the city. The roads and highways have become the rivers of lime light that brighten up the sleepless town.
My heart was singing out inside as nobody could hear it. Happy birthday to myself. Happy birthday.
PS All photo are from 2bangkok.com
A Monk in Thailand
09.12.04 (8:53 pm) [edit]Errr...I was hesitating to post my pic here but since Andaloo, my frequent reader said that he never saw a monk in Thailand before so as teh auspicious moment like this ( my birthday ) I'd make this possible for him. Tadaaa...
The 24th Year of My So-Called Life : Personal Journey, A Ticket to Peace of Mind
09.11.04 (8:18 pm) [edit]The begining of my 24th birthday was in the midst of me walking out from the job that I really long for, became unemployed. Desperately didn't know what to do. The very first day after quit that job, I still woke up and got dressed and went out but the mission was not to go to work but just to find one.
The situation didn't get any better until a week past, so I decided to tell my parents that I was no longer work there because my work didn't reach their standard. Well, it was not that at all. I think I did pretty good job. Consider this : after 2 weeks I got this job, I was on my own working on my own column, writing something I yet had no experience before. So I used the time I had to clear out my head and find peace of mind. I headed to the monastry and became a monk. Like I said in the very first entry, many of Thai familes consider that it's every son "duty" becoming a monk to pay off to their parents from upbringing him. But at that time I honestly did it without thinking about that. It's more like a personal journey to the land called "Peace of Mind".
The Outcome was very nice actually because it was the very first time in years that my parents were laughing and smiling together after many years of struggling marriage. I didn't expect this to happen but I'm very glad that I did. Moreover I felt better than I had felt before in my life. I fanally could breathe the air in unworriedly. The whole world was right in front of me and I just looked at it from a very different perspective. I was no longer expect things in life, but never gave up hope.
After three weeks, I got a phone call from my friend asking if I could go back to Bangkok to get a job at the company where she was working. I was reluctant but decided to go anyway. I got a job there.
The funny thing is that when I got back to normal life, many things seem nonsense to me. I finally lost high temper. I don't mind to let things go. I stop worrying about things that I am not capable of controlling. I tend to see things deeper and from different angle. I have no idea that I would grow this much just for a very short period of time. I am becoming the person I never imagine myself of.
Happy Birthday to Me
09.11.04 (11:55 am) [edit]Happy 25th, to me.
Remember, people : One life, Live it!!!
Romance Update
09.09.04 (1:10 am) [edit]Since the last couple of weeks I had become closer and closer to him, I have no idea what's that going to lead me or us to. It is like taking a ocean drive where you don't know your destiny but the whole thing make you feel great, make you feel so comfortable. Nothing is as good as this. And last weekend, I spent all of it with him. He seemed me that he wanted me to hang around with him. I can say this because the very first time we met he usually spent time alone, or maybe just with himself. Now it's like he has added to his lifestyle as we spent a lot of time together. He told me, during the time when we watched DVD "Water Drops on Burning Rocks", that 'isn't that funny that we're like the perfect married couple, we seem to like the same movies, and enjoy what the other does'. Then he attacked me with this question 'Are you falling in Love with me?'. Well,...this is not the first time he asked me such question and my reaction towards this was telling him 'Love is such a big wor..' and I didn't have a chance to finish my sentence when he interupted me with 'Ben! Stop the fucking philosophy!' and his phone ranggg. It's Calvin, his trick from the babylon.
It seems like I can handle with whatever his issue and drama which are a lot actually. I never have any problem with him and his friends.
The Closet of Hidden Curiosity and the Object no. 1
09.05.04 (1:08 am) [edit]As my birthday is coming, I thought that it might be a good time for a little change of thought, well...let say code of conduct :-p As I grow up day by day, year by year, I questioning things I found in the closet of hidden curiosity, for speak : object no. 1 "sauna/bath house". My first visit was when I was a junior at Chula. It was hmmm....hardly remeber it now but one thing that sure happens everytime is my heart is racing like it's gonna be popping out in just any minute. A couple of hours later, I found myself making my way back home and did not feel very well. I don't have anything against the whole sauna thing at all, but just found out that it's not my kinda thing.
So time flies, I made my way back to the Babylon, the very famous sauna in town ( I believe that many people agree on some level and acclaim that it's the best sauna in the world - I mean just look at the place ) once again. Here is somewhat I found on their website :
Enfolding you in an experience--Bigger & Better--never seen before by the naked eyes of men! The perfect place to indulge your wildest fantasies inside our stunning Post-Modern-Machoist Architecture. Break out the Royal Barge! Polish up the Tiara! Dust off those ruby-red shoes! And get ready for the time-of-your-life. The Babylon Bangkok Sauna is here for the world of men...and of course--you! Join us to discover a whole new world of men erotically unzipped like never before. |
| Second to None--Unlimited Possibilities--Undiscover ed Depths--Immortalize Your Fantasies Of Love! |
Err...are you serious? Well, I know things could happen...I spent the entire evening reading the Bangkok Post, checking out the Russian Hostage Coverage. My friend Koby told me before he left for his mission telling me that I should go for the one that I like and you know what, nothing that I want there. Actually if it's not that he told me not to leave and go home I'd probably leave in less than 20 minutes. Thanks him to let me get the inside of the world tragidic event and realize that it's not my place and I wait another 3-4 years to assure myself that I'm not into it at all.
The End of The Affair
09.03.04 (3:07 pm) [edit]The dawn of the morning is near. The darkness swept away from the sky. As the journey of two people who shouldn't be together since the first time has come to an end. The heart that meant to be broken is not broken because you just can't break th ealready broken pieces. My heart is ground. The fisrt wind blow is so refreshing and remind me of the wind that hit my face when I rode on the bck of his vespa. His scent is still fresh to me. I wish I can exhale. My eyes aer wide open but the picture of you lying next to me engreave to my memory, without you here anymore. I sit up and get out of bed. "Good Morning Beautiful", one of the most meaningful piece of paper is becoming meaningless. Just wonder what good it will do from now. Aroma of somebody's coffee has made me thinking about very romantic cup of mocha cappuchino but this time the coffee will taste different. The phone is ringing. The call that never get returned. The speechless conversation, truthful revealation, The sense of time has become numb to me. What time it is doesn't matter anymore. There will be such things called "Us" no more.
"Are you tired of this kind of things that happened to you again and again?" A friend asked.
"No, not at all." I replied.
"You know that if you want to cry, you can." She went on further.
"Yes, I know that. But what good it will do. Life goes on with or without him anyway." I replied.
"If he's fine without me, so I should be, too."
Just right there at the beginning of this things, I foresee the end and know that sooner or later "it" will be over. And the only person who'd leave this arena is just me. It's definitely tiring to see it happens again and again but, like I always says, that can't stop me to love someone once again. When new love has come knocking on my door, I'll be ready for it and rise again.
Bad experience will make us grow, use it as a lesson and try to avoid the same mistake but if you can't, you'll know what you'll meet along the way and eventually. I'm not afraid of getting hurt. Hurt is one of the thing that you feel and realize that you still that loving heart and alive.
The night has arrived once again. The world doesn't stop spinning and tomorrow is about to come and I'm looking forward to breathe again.