My Birthday and the Ugly Duckling
09.12.05 (12:17 am) [edit]Finally a course of another 12 months has come again. A year of learning experience. A year of laughter. A year of cry. A year of joy. A year of grief. No matter how any part of the passed year would appear to me. It will be another year to remember to me.
Look back a year ago, the unfortunate event of my birthday had just unrolled itself in front of my brown eyes. I remember that I was surrounded by mny people, many people whom I was careless, I'm sure that they might feel the same. Sadly but true. There were moment of joy and there were moment grief but the most important thing is that is there any lessons learned from the experience.
My Birthday this year went quite nice as we finally went to the Four Seasons hotel, just that I wanted to play with the famous mandrina ducks living in the hotel garden. The food there was good, the drink was good, the ambience was good, the company was good. But I couldn't see the ducks. Until we almost finished the food, finally they came out.
I crushed the indian bread into small crumbs with the hope to feed them. they are 1 nice shiny green male one and 2 brown headed females. They didn't play with me. Snobbish Mandrina Ducks!!!
Anyway, after chasing them a while, I came back to the table telling him that they didn't play with me. He said that the pretty duckling won't play with the ugly one.
There are many times in the past 12 months that I wish that it wouldn't happen but, of course, I can't stop thing from happening. The most important thing is that anybody should learn to handle the situation and accept it as it is not the way one expects it to be. My lesson learned. and when tomorrow comes I'll be ready to tackle all those trouble water, no matter how rough the water is going to be I'll have my head up high. One day I'll fly away.
Happy Birthday to myself, the ugly duckling.
study suggests more than 1 in 4 bangkok MSM HIV+
08.21.05 (5:47 pm) [edit]study suggests more than 1 in 4 bangkok MSM HIV+ |
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A recent Bangkok study, which reveals a high and rapid increase as compared to 2003 figures, also suggests more than one in four local MSM could be HIV positive. A Fridae exclusive from the HIV Prevention and Care Interventions for MSM in the Greater Mekong Region – Regional Consultative Forum in Bangkok. |
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More than one in four local MSM (men who have sex with men) in Bangkok could be infected with HIV, say researchers who polled 400 men at different venues including bars, saunas and parks this year. The study was carried out by the Thailand Ministry of Public Health (MOPH) in collaboration with the US Centres for Disease Control and Prevention (CDC), the Thai Red Cross Society and the Rainbow Sky Association of Thailand, a gay rights and social group. |
Happiness and Its Cup
08.07.05 (4:46 pm) [edit]A group of working adults got together to visit their University lecturer.
The lecturer was happy to see them. Conversation soon turned into
complaints about stress in work and life.
The Lecturer just smiled and went to the kitchen to get an assortment of
cups - some porcelain, some in plastic, some in glass, some plain looking
and some looked rather expensive and exquisite.
The Lecturer offered his former students the cups to get drinks for
themselves.
When all the students had a cup in hand with water, the Lecturer spoke:
"If you noticed, all the nice looking, expensive cups were taken up,
leaving behind the plain and cheap ones. While it is normal that you only
want the best for yourselves, that is the source of your problems and
stress. What all you wanted was water, not the cup, but we unconsciously
went for the better cups."
"Just like in life, if Happiness is Water, then the jobs, money and
position in society are the cups. They are just tools to hold/maintain
Happiness in Life."
"If we only concentrate on the cups, we won't have time to enjoy/taste the water in it."
Embrace/Escape
07.20.05 (6:04 pm) [edit]As I've got plenty of time on myself and just to distract my mind away from all the noise in my head. I turn to reading once again. It's quite hard to find a good reading that suits my mood right now. Anyway, I picked "The Spell" by Alan Hallinghurst. I like it and today I caught this part in the book which I would like to share with you all and myself. So here it is :
Gordon leant forward - they were knee to knee. "I think the real excitement comes from embracing life as it is, not escaping from it into unsustainable fantasies."
My Best Friend's Confusion
07.19.05 (5:38 pm) [edit]Last Friday, another rainny day, was the first time I came back to Chulalongkorn University in years since I graduated there in 2002. It was commencement on that day but it's not the reason why I came back at all. It's just that I knew I might see many of my old friends from school. and I did see them.
One of my best friends there, she's a girl. She knew me, I knew her. As early life in school was full of everything and nothing but I think I knew her much enough. Time past after we graduated, we hardly see each other, but on the phone for a regular basis of once a month and then faded and faded away. It's not that we were not as close as we were before but it's just that we were busy with our own lives.
Back to the days when I was struggling with getting a job in journalism, it seemed to me like she did not really understand what I was going through. She suggested that I should take whatever was offered. I didn't take her advice. A couple of years later, we found ourself having lunch together just like the old days at Chula but things are a little different. I envied her for being a very bright student and having people around her to offer her assistance in projects. She's really good in school. Not that I want to defeat her. I was happy with her, I AM happy with her.
But things in the old days can't tell where you are heading in the future. A boy confused and lost in life journey has become someone who has a respectable job, so quick that he, himself, couldn't imagine himself 3 years ago. A prospective girl with a bright shinny raods paved with rose petals has become lost and not sure whether to take life actionin what way. The envy is those days had transform itself into admiration and transformed again into emphathy today. I felt sad for her that she could make her mind of what she should do in life. But I just give her advice that it's not wrong to have GOAL in life but once she aims high, she should know in the same time that she should shoot low also.
Road to success might not be cut straight right into your face, there might be some detour as well. It's just the matter of how you make your way up to it. At least that's how I make it to this point today.
There is nothing bad about having a dream, but it's just that you have to realize the reality also. I always tell myself and also told her that too.
The Saddest Thing
07.17.05 (5:43 pm) [edit]"The saddest thing in the world, is loving someone
who used to love you."
--Anonymous
A Series of My Unfortunate Event
07.12.05 (11:44 pm) [edit]As a series of unfortunate events in my life has unfolded and folded itself back again. Now I found myself stuck in the position where I can't say whether I'm happy or not.
Just like what I wanted, Last Saturday went quite plesantly as he and I spent time together happily for the first time. It was so much happy that finally hard work that I've done to get him back is really working. Things really picked up after we came back from shopping at the weekend market. We came back to his place filling his balcony with the newly bought plants. He's really happy with his garden. I was happy to see that he's happy. He's admiring the freshness of the bright red and orange Hibicus, white and tiny fragrant jasmin, shiny Moon Lit Sky and two other water feature plants. I was admiring of him.
The moment was filled with joy and laughter. My hand's in his. I was really happy for the first time after the whole break up thing or what I'd rather call "Trial Seperation". It was one of those moment wheer you wouldn't want it to end. As his friend went for a swim later in late afternoon. He found us in a very good mood as if we were back together. He did even ask that and the answer he got back from him was just a smile and and one simple NO.
We went out that night with a big group of friends to Sirocco where we ended our first romance the first time exactly on my birthday last year. We came back home later. Such a good way towards the end of the weekend, it was the first time again that we cuddled sleeping.
As the mourning came with the thought of that we are going at a slow and steady speed. It's so obvious that my friend even asked if I was back with him. I just didn't say anything but a big smile.
Later in the evening as I came to pick him up at work in Silom. He looked tired by the time when he finished work at 9 PM. I asked if he wanted to dined out just like we used to, he decided to go along. I chose to eat at one of those street food vendors in Silom with same old menu we usaully order and we ran into another of his friend, accidently, just like when I ran into him THAT Saturday night in DJ's.
When the crack of the dawn came knocking on our tiny window, it meaned that it's time to get up for me but I decided to have the faux-sick call just wanting to spend the morning and early afternoon with him. Guess he didn't get it.
After he left to work at 12, I found myself at (his) home, I turned on his notebook just to watch DVD for killing time. As to wait everything to download properly the I was thinking about the pictures he took on the night out at the Sirocco. To a spur of my surprise, I just found a new picture holder in the My Pictures folder, 2005-07-11 with 3 pictures of a guy in white underwear. I only to find out that those pictures were taked sometimes around 4.30 PM on the past Monday, only few hours before I met him at work. Is it just an admiring gig? A quick fuck? Or just a bad luck on my part where I chose to play in this lose and lose situation. I have to answer this question myself.
The Aftermath : Happiness is a Choice not Reaction
07.05.05 (11:28 pm) [edit]Since the strom past away, the silver lining was shining again. Thanks to everyone support. It's not really sad if I try to look at other people who has to face tougher time in life. I'm so much better than those. Here is some what his comfort
"We make our own happiness...comes from who we are and how we view our experiences...not from anything other give or take.
Happiness is choice not reaction."
So now I choose to live my life as I am the one who makes my own happiness not the other.
The Good, The Bad and the Weird
05.09.05 (10:40 pm) [edit]Many things happened since the last couple of weeks, good, bad and strange. But I'm glad that everything happened.
Since "his" friend arrived from Australia earlier last week and stays over at "his" or our place that makes me staying home almost a week now, the feeling of comfort sleeping in my own bed had gone and replaced with that weird feeling of when I turn around and don't find "him" there. Guess that "he" feel like that too.
Anyway, last weekend "he", "his" friends and I were out clubbing at the usual and infamous silom soi 2 but this time we tried something differently by going into the Expresso, the club that full of local gay boys, mostly in their twenties. Very lively crowds and nice catchy music. It was my hang out a couple of years back when I was still at Chula.
The Good
After slight emotional interruption before entering the club we made our way into the packed Friday evening nightclub and danced the night away. Farang is quite a rare thing in there, so "he" had quite a good time while "he"'s there.
After the club was closed at 1.30 am, most of the crowds headed to the club on the opposite side that was packed already since half past midnight. I was tired, "he" was tired already, suddenly Lisa the crazy english woman showed up with the black russian handy and it was like 45 minutes after she said that she wouldn't be here. The last time she was here, we was totally drunk and took like 5 taxi drivers until that one that's ok to drive he home. We chatted outside the club for another 20 minutes then we bailed.
Since the fact that is Chris, "his" friend has to no place to stay, we decided that we would go to my place and spent one night there and we'd be back to our place the next morning.
The Bad
After slight emotional interruption before entering the club we made our way into the packed Friday evening nightclub and danced the night away. Farang is quite a rare thing in there, so "he" had quite a good time while "he"'s there.
Then came this small little boy, with tiny little smiles and twinkle little eyes. With that on my sight, with the acknowledge that "he"'s playing with that boy too, I managed to manouvre my head to the other side so I wouldn't see anything that I don't want to see.
And I didn't see anything, but guess that "he" who's half-drunk already, probably realised that I wasn't happy about what I didn't see, came back to me dancing like nothing was happened. I thought nothing was happened.
Next afternoon, with an unknown reason, "he" told me about that boy saying that "he" felt familiar with that boy. ANd while I had turned my head away last night, the boy came up to him and asked "him":
CAN I KISS YOU NOW?
And they kissed. Sigh. The first minute I heard "him" saying that my heart sank. But then again, I just got a grip of myself and realised that how tiny little thing he just told me. I should appreacitae that fact rather than the fact that they kissed. Only thing I had to do is just to let it goes.
The Weird
Just a couple of days before last weekend, the serenity of thw whole week was interrupted by the strange course of annonymous phone call. An "Expose" as the caller said he wanted to inform "him" about my hidden secret, in which I can't find any angle in my life where I don't want him to know about. He didn't buy that because the caller didn't identify himself. Thank you "him" for that. :)
Confusion De La Situation
04.24.05 (11:37 pm) [edit]As Saturday and Sunday passed by already but they didn't bring any confusion occred during the last few day with them at all. With unidentified bad temper cooking insides of me since Friday, things didn't seem to pick up a bit. It seemed even worse with me.
Almost a while now that "he" didn't go out dancing, which he thought that I might not ebjoy it. I enjoy it sometimes. I do. But for some reasons, when I called "him" on Friday after work, "he" mentioned that "he" wanted to go with his best friend alone, since "he" didn't have any chance to spend time with his best friend at all since he came back a while ago. I'm cool with that and no hurt feeling at all. If I am in the position like him I would expect him to act the same way too. Anyway, we ended up going out together with his best friend and then another friend came and then another friend with his friend whom "he" thinks that I flirted with him a week ago but I didn't have any intention to do that at all. I only enjoyed his conversation and think that he can be a very good friend that's all, but I don't want to hurt "his" feeling, too.
I choose to avoid every bad thing that might happen later on the weekend by projecting the idea of doing nothing at all for the whole Saturday. Honestly I had no idea that "he" would like it or not but at least it's what I wanted to do and "he" chose to do what I suggested. I knew that he was bored. I'm grateful for that.
Then came Sunday, nothing much different from Saturday much but I think it came to the point where "he" couldn't stand doing nothing at all for a day already, so we headed to a movie. Until this point he still let me be the one to decide things for example where we should go for dinner since he's got two invitations. So I chose to go to the dinner party where I'd be more participating in.
I think I'm confused with what I have right now and where I stand. I think I know that "he" does feel something for me but I just don't know what to do and how to cope with the situation here at all.
Temperamentality goes on.
Rainny Day, Tuesday and Christmas Day
04.20.05 (7:31 pm) [edit]When you are in a certain good mood, sometimes you could hear the nice music ringing in your head and if it's that you are very happy you might just hum it out loud.
Last tuesday, after a very hot and quick "hotel survey" trip to the Amari Airport hotel, which costed me back and forth about THB 400, I made my way back through the rain to town once again with the thought of relaxing from the 5 days-water splashing-songkran-holida ys. I found myself laying on the sunbed by the pool of my gym. Another powerful afternoon. I love this job I have really.
After an 1-hour grill in bangkok hot summer sun, it's about time that I should get back in the gym and work out a bit. Insides, it's not as busy as it is on the weekday's evening. No rush, no hurry. Basically no one in the gym. Hehehe..there were few people actually, and none of them paid attention to what other people were doing.
The majority of muscle maries...oops I mean health and fitness concern crowd that day were foreingers-white guys, for instance, including my "Thin Crust Pizza Guy" or what Mark referred to him as "Bird Dog", a good looking lean muscle guy who keeps his very romantic looking pair of eyes on every white skin male being around the gym, pretending that he's careless about them in his small little earphone. Well, nothing is wrong about that though..because we all do that all the time but it's quite funny when you see a farang do that and it's just happened to be SO obvious.
Anyway, after 40 minutes of horrible tunes jamming into everybody's ears then came...
I don't want a lot for Christmas
There's just one thing I need
I don't care about presents
Underneath the Christmas tree
I just want you for my own
More than you could ever know
Make my wish come true...
All I want for Christmas
Is you...
Honestly, Christmas is one of my favourite time of the year but "All I Want From Christmas Is You" in April? Wrong!!! So wrong but if that's not enough. Here is the next song they played...
Last christmas
I gave you my heart
But the very next day you gave it away
This year
To save me from tears
I'll give it to someone special
Well until this point, I couldn't stop smiling anymore. It's like an unspeakable joy which I shouldn't hold back the good mood lying inside of me that tries to scream out with joy. No matter it is hot summer day, rainny day and monday or everyday can be christmas day also.
The Experience
04.20.05 (12:10 am) [edit]Nothing is a waste of time if you use the experience wisely.
Auguste Rodin
Life had been up and down for me for the last 2 years until Febuary, which is the last month working for a film distributor company, the fun time had ended and everything is in full speed now. After 1 day leaving the company my new adventure is ahead of me. The door that I always wanted to open and insert myself into has been opened, waiting for me.
15 months straight at last job without any annual leave had given the opportunity to grow. Today, I'm working for one of the leading public relation agencies in Thailand. Something that is more serious. I thought that the fun time wiould be over since I left the door of my old office but I was wrong. The atmosphere at the agency is pretty much alive and fun, even more fun here. I enjoy the job very much. I got paid reasonably, very reasonably. I work up without feeling tired thinking about work that is await of me for the day. Everybody loves me here.
After many and many months of struggling in the realm of love, finally something's happened. Once the heart that's close just turned the door open, welcome me to run in the secret garden hidden inside where it's closed since the last winter in his heart. We spent time together more and more until it developed itself into another phrase of relationship. It's still a long way to go but at least we prepare for it whether it's coming or not.
My life has finally come my way. The ups and downs finally pay off. The experience from good and bad old days has taught me to look forward to the next best day to come.
Everyone, I'm back.
2005 Thailand's One Party Government
02.06.05 (7:12 pm) [edit]Thailand country wide election was held yesterday and it was finished with the BIG triumph of our ex-become-soon-to-be-PM of the country that will be run by one party goverment. That brings tears to my lovely colleague who come to work this morning with her eyes swollen like she had a bad night of break up or something but it's just that she's just sad how Thai people can be so ...... (you are allowed to fill in that space whatever you want)
I could understand maybe a very small part of what become a new page in Thailand political history. As many of my friends said that ThaiRakThai Party isn't so popoular in Bangkok area at all but you can look at the election result in today's newspaper where the majority of almost every district in the nation's capital was voting for Thaksin's Party as definitely opposite from what all of my friends said before.
This election has made me thinking about what happened to the US Election couple of months ago where the Republican popularity was all over the states which was like way opposite from what people thought. And what these 2 countries have in common are that people who tended to vote for the opponent party just had their mind changed in the last minute. Even though many of the voters are not pro-ThaiRakThai party but they tended to stick to whatever that is happened right now in the country and probably didn't realize that the whole counrty would be run by 1 party government where no one would ever be able to touch the PM at all. I think that they just choose the party or individuals but if the whole results costs Thailands 399 MPs, I think that proves the party was coming to te right direction already. ( Note that I wrote "right direction" means that they know how to tackle with the majority ) Unlike Thailand's Democrat which faces popularity crisis and lack of a sole single direction where to head to due to the fact that the party is, sort of, divided in 2 sides: the old people vs the new people. After they tellied all the votes, Democrat party leader resigned and to my speculation I think the vice party leader would come to helm the party to a fresher start.
The Revenge of the Roosters
01.20.05 (9:53 pm) [edit]Oh well, well, well, you think that bad trhings happened to the kingdom of Thailand a lot lately, right? I just overheard the conspiracy theory of what's sort of in the process of coming when I went to a job interview on the same day of Bangkok subway collision. Here it goes...
To enter the Year of Rooster with the tragedy happened down south of Thailand during last year's Christmas and now subway crashed. Who knows exactly what bad thing would happen to us next. Maybe it is the millions and millions of chickens we killed earlier last year during the bird flu period that infected both naturally and farm raised chickens in the region. So now the lost souls of innocent chickens are coming back at us as we about to enter the year of Rooster, this Febuary 9th. Ughh..Scary huh? Ok just to a bit inform you with what is on our way, for your own safety, Fasten Your Seat Belt, please. ( Found this link via Stuart's Blog. )
Any thoughts? Yea right. What a THAI way of thinking!!!
Be Careful You all. Hey, a chicken is behind your back!!!
1 Year Anniversary
01.17.05 (1:53 am) [edit]OK, it's been about a year and a month anniversary pf my little blog here already and earlier I planned not to mention about it because I think that I lost many of the early post , anyway, after the bug had been fixed the other day I found an 2003 archives. Just like seeing a long lost best friend I read through them all at once. Remebered how my friend laughed at story in my posts like The Legendary Naked Fishermen of Baan Phe and, the sequel, The Curse of the Mermaid. I really love these 2 stories.
Anyway, here comes 2005 and hope to bring you stories from this Bangkok City to your home. See ya.
Bangkok's Subway Crashed
01.17.05 (12:49 am) [edit]Just a few moment after the rush hour in the capital of Thailand, Hundreads of people were in a hurry just to get to work or whatever destination in time. Some chose private transportation or taxis and some chose public transportation like buses, sky train or subway. Only 5 months of officially opening on 12th of August, 2004 and very few days since the government by PM Thaksin Shinawatra made a decision to drop the subway fare to 10 baht for 3 stations and 15 baht for more than 3 stations, moreover it is the first day after the school break for Thailand's University Games, Thailand's First Subway Crashed.
The first time I heard about this was from the radio when I was about to leave my house for a job interview. The announcer almost laughed, she said with a very insecure voice. I'm sure she thought how would this thing possibly happens. Anyway, half an hour later my eldest sister called me to ask if I was in the accident or not (she thought that it was the sky train accident) luckily I just took the bus and was buying a bottle of VitaMilk, my favourite soya milk. Isn't she nice calling me? Yes, she is.
Anyway, I'm alright and guess everyone I know is alright too. But a friend of a friend got head injured and lost his memory. He couldn't remember his brother who was with him on the same train too. Hope that it will be just temporarily. Here is the article from AP via Yahoo! news of the accident
Baghdad Blogger Is Coming To Thailand, Ugh...In Movie Form Though
01.13.05 (1:09 am) [edit]As somewhat a lazy blogger here on tBlog site but I myself had managed myself to stumble cross the very interseting weblog called Where is Raed? a.k.a. Baghdad Blogger. Even though the search for weapon from the US Government has been put off officially already. Anyway, at soome point after the blog itself has caught intention from people around the globe, then there is a generous people who make an interesting documentary on this. So to announce to the world from this blog community. Here to announce the 3rd Bangkok Film Festival 2005, I, myself proudly present to you the highlight movie of the event according to teh world of blogging:
Baghdad Blogger/ Salam Pax: Video Report from Iraq
Directed by: SALAM PAX
From ground zero in Iraq comes an entirely different perspective on the war. The pseudonymous Salam Pax came to worldwide attention as “the Baghdad Blogger,” an intelligent voice of reason and hope, reporting his feelings in a widely read “web log,” that was first written from the heart of Saddam’s dictatorship, and then in the aftermath of the U.S. invasion. Although an architect by training, his writing led to a columnist gig with Britain’s Guardian newspaper. Now working with Guardian Television and BBC “Newsnight”, he has filmed seven vibrant and fascinating video diaries that share the immediacy and honesty of his ‘blog. Taking to the streets with a small DV camera, he uncovers the everyday - and the extraordinary - in his traumatized country. This compilation program includes “Salam Pax Canvasses Opinion on the Capture of Saddam Hussein” (12/23/03); “Living in Baghdad One Year on from the Invasion” (3/16/04); “Salam Pax on Hopes For His Country s Future” (11/10/03); “Salam Pax Travels South to Najaf and the Marshes” (11/26/03); “Salam Pax Witnesses the Ashoura: the First Free Shia Festival Since the Fall of Saddam” (3/23/04); “Why is There a Lack of Enthusiasm for Allawi s Government?” (9/14/04), and “Arts and Leisure Activities in Post-War Iran” (9/21/04).
( The Myth of ) Card Reading
01.12.05 (5:51 pm) [edit]Monday Evening was spent in quite an interesting way as I got card reading from Richard. As almost every of my friends knows that I'm bored of working here for a long long time and my cards was telling the same. ( noted that P said that it's not the cards that tell the whole story but it was written on my face ) I had 4 out of 10 cards that said I was trapped and saw no way to go.
He told me further that in a next couple of days, I would receieve news about work maybe via email or telephone call but didn't say that it's either good news or bad news and might be somewhat job that someone offered me since lat month. Ughh as far as I could remember nobody told me about such offer at all. So it should be something about the airline job cos the result of the applicants who will make it to the next round of personality test will be posted on line. So I guessed that would be it.
Honestly I had a feeling since that day that I wouldn't make it to the next round and in fact I didn't find my name on the list at all. I didn't regret at all. Then only few moments later my cell phone rang. It was the woman from a pr agency that I applied for since September but I didn't get that job and in early December she called me again asked if I was interested in the 3 months long contract. I said no. This time she asked me if I'm still interested in working with her or not and would lik eme to come in and discuss on Monday 11 am. Oh well I was dying to work for them for ages, so I said that I'ld be in her office as she told. Until this point I was like feeling chilly on the back of my spine as I was thinking about what my friend, fortune teller said to me.
Hmm at some point I know myself that I am a BIG fan of card reading but I have to say that there is nothing that is so ACCURATE like this time. Is it just that psychology and he seems to be able to read my behavior and feeling. Or it's just myth that truly can bring out our fortune right in front of our faces.
New Year, New Job?
01.10.05 (12:57 am) [edit]New Year starts a little bit rougly as I had to manage to get myself ready to get things together as the job application period was due. Maybe as well as my time to really get my life together. Since I finished school in 2002 I gave myself time to explore what I thought that I wanted to do but as almost 3 years past, my searching will come to an end from now on every decision change towards life would be made carefully and, if possible, forward not like standing still just like what I'm doing right now.
24 or 25 is the age of me and most of my friends, more than 30 percent of them complaining that they didn't want to be architects but probably 80 percent of them ends up being one. And I am one of the 20 percent. While I'm doing so so right now, many of my friend making 2-5 time better than me. Some of them start saving HUGE amount of money, some of them move into prime resendential area and some are living large. At the 25th year of my life, it's time to look for something serious not just the liquid dream.
Anyway, after an evening with BIG anxiety attack, I made myself to the Bangkok Airways Head Office to apply for the position. Thanks to Her Majesty, K.'s ( I think I got indirectly complained about using his name too many times here so I'll just leave this name that way ) Actifed as he got no sleeping pills left and that gave me calmness for the whole day after. Thank you.
Somebody asked me about my recent job and many of them think that it's a nice job and ask further that why I wanted to leave and become a "Flying Slut". I answered them that my job as an PR Executive for movie company sure sounds nice but I can not eat "nice". I'm 25 now if i'm still making somewhat I'm making now, I won't have anything in my life ever. And for some reason I'm bored of the way people will get salary here. As you were new to some company and you ask for certain amount of money and they would say that they can't give you that because they got somebody there working before you and get that same amount of money that you ask for even though you have much more ability than the one working before. I think people should get as much as they are working for. Ughhh end of my complaint.
Wish me luck though.
Happy Monday Everyone.
Positive Energy
12.28.04 (7:01 pm) [edit]I'm in a very delightful mood today, even though on the way home l saw a terrible accident on the street. Is it just me or it's the weather and ambient of everything. But the city itself is not as much delightful as it's used to be before the Tidal waves hit the coast of south and southeastern Asia. I feel love. I feel love in the air. I feel love for the man who's exist. Even the my dating career is not shining like I want it to be but I'm still smiling. On the road I take for my life, no matter how it'll be dark and lonely or bright and colorful, I'll head on because it's life I'll have to with, myself, for better or worse I have myself to be happy with.
I'm content. Life is not exactly the way I plan but if everything is as easy as I want then I might not try harder to be a better person than I am now.
Stay Happy Everyone.
Tsunamis
12.27.04 (11:55 pm) [edit]The candle light, laughter and joy of Christmas hadn't been away yet at the time when the deadly Tsunamis had enter the south-western coast of Thailand on December, 26. Thousand died, thousands injured and thousands missing. No one can shed thier flowing tears of such tragic catastrophe event. Nothing could compare to what they'd been through but only love and good will will make them stronger and ove forward with the live they have left among themself.
The Story After "Life of Pi"
A 9 years old boy were floating un th emiddle of the sea for a day after the boat he was aboard with his family were swept away by the 10 meter high tidal waves, caused almost everyone missing but the brave little child who managed to hold on to a piece of wood from the wrecked boat. He stayed afloat for a day until he was found by the patrol helicopter.
Beloved Royal Family Member Lost
Not far from the Andaman's Pearl Island, Phuket, His Marjesty the King's Nephew had been reported missing after the Tsunamis had hit the shore of th eare without notice while he was on his jet skiing accompany with 4 security guards, later 2 of them found dead near by the beach and other 2 severely injured. He's missing until an authority found him in the nearby hotel where his breathless body lying. The Pricess' younger brother had flown to the island himself to bring back his sister and his nephew. Heart was broken.
Double Unlucky
A Swiss family, Father, Mother, 2 kids has lost every possession they belong that they'd left in their hotel room but that's not cause them pain more than their lost member, an 11 years old boy who migt never come back, to thier open arms, again.
Hope those who lost their lives to rest in peace.
Gay Men Therapy Part 1: Side Effect May Occur
12.23.04 (11:06 pm) [edit]Earlier yesterday before rushing out of the house just to go to work ontime, I just happened to glance at the photo sticker I took with bunches of close friends from Chula. With surprise to myself, I look really young those days ( about 6 years ago which means I was 19-20 years old ). Ugh..I felt chilling on the back of my spine. I am now and becoming old, well I know that 25 is NOT old but I just feel that i've been so far until I got to this point where I got make my own living now. Anyway, with that split second I thought about my dear hair dresser whi's behind my glorious days back then. I need to see him, I told myself that.
Later in the evening I decided to give a day off from pumping iron and head to the salon. Oh dear where was he? I asked myself. Never mind that, maybe I should try someone else though. ( I met him there since I was in 11th grade and only trust him since then ) Anyway, I heard him talking behind the salon so I took him eventually.
The wash-cut-wash-blow-cut process was done perfect, and a little chitchat, as it always is until one point he just look at me and said:
Mighty Hair Dresser: You act too old, you know that?
Ben Behaving Badly: Excuse me, what did you just say?
Mighty Hair Dresser: You look old, acted old. What's happened to you? wher is that bright and shiny kid I once knew?
Ben Behaving Badly: Ugh..
Less than 5 minutes after I left the salon, I made many phone calls to ask my friends that am I really acting old or what. My heart knows that they would say yes but not in the bad way because they think that I've grown up and speak less and more controllable about myself but that was from growing adult process. All those non sense seems not fun to me anymore.
Alright I admit that I act old but I think it's part of the process of growing up wher I'm influenced by the reality check for most of the time but it's also come with every aspect in your life too. For example, theway I dress. I don't wear flashy or too trendy cloth anymore but more focus on something simple and neat. Imagine it this way, back theer 5 years ago I was like a model from Christian Dior Haute Couture's Paris, well not that exubulant but pretty much but today I still consider myself god dresser maybe like Gianfranco Ferre, simple design but very nice details, good structure and neat.
Anyway, I woke up this morning and found myself a hard time getting something to wear just like almost everymorning now but today it's different because I'll go for younger look. Ugh..It's so hard being 25 and have to act just like one but one thing for sure his haircut he gave me truely helps.
(Muscle) Merry X Mas to Y'all.
Little Big Dreams Come True
12.22.04 (11:05 pm) [edit]In the mist of career dullness, I,m trapped here 1 week til new year with 3 more movie production notes plus stories to be done, I haven't mentioned that I'm bored to death about my job, right?. I'm like a dead man working with lack of inspiration left. Even don't know which direction I'd go for. Where is all the dream that I ever imagine about? I'm stuck.
Finally my long, long, long, long, really awaited childhood dream has come true when I got offer to help one of the people who do subtitle for the movie. Yeah, sounds cool isn't it? Honestly I don't think about that financially at all because all I want is just to put my name at the end of the movie that I do subtitle work for. But I don't think that I'll get my credit from doing that the first time though but you know at least I already made my first entrance to the monopolzed business already.
If you can read thai subtitle in many hollywood movies, you'd probably see that there are only 3 people doing subtitle from over 100 foreign movies a whole 52 weeks in a year. See how tough that is. So the thing is that that guy had asked me a month ago about me helping him but it didn't happen after all cos he never gave me the material to work and the first attempt went by. Now he's back asking me to help doing English subtitle for a thai movie called "Mon-Rak-Look-Tung". Ugh..sounds very challenging, isn't it? I'll keep you posted on this matter cos I'll go finishing that plus my loaded day work.
Miss you and mr. canadian very much.
Be good everyone.
Me Improvement?
12.22.04 (1:12 am) [edit]Oh baby, I'm back. In case that you might ( or might not ) wondering where I had been for the last 3-4 weeks, I didn't go anywhere though. First it started with lack of inspiration as you can see in the post where there were nothing but bitching about bad cases in men which I seemed to fall for the same pattern again and again and it's NOT creative enough so I stop to take a little break from it and gather myself, my thought and my strenght once again until it's a good time to blog again :)
OK, here are few example about what I get from being away:
1. I AM certainly Carey Bradshaw. After watching much of the last season of Sex and the City til last week episode, Splat, where she was asked by her russian lover to go to live with him in Paris and almost everybody seems to be excited about that except for the Ms. Miranda-Reality-Check-Bit ch who thinks that Carey moving away from her beloved NYC is such a stupid thing to do but Carey thinks otherwise and thinks that Miranda is selfish because she's always around when she needs her and not there when she wants her friends to. Honestly I felt like that sometimes, when "people" want me then I'll be there but it's not that way when I want them. I am running around entertaining people. I thought I was happy but certainly it's not. I was dreaming. To realize that is truely heartfelt.
2. A friend indeed is a friend in need. Koby, yes that Koby. He got a flu that started infected badly to his tonsil and stomach and finally reahed his eyes. For the old time sake I went to accompany him, buying food and stuffs and talked to him until he fell asleep. Oh How sweet. Finally he got admitted to a hospital where I went to see him again for an evening. He seemed thankful for that. We are good friends.
3. Can't you just read the sign. The last time I got hit on, I mean really hit on by Thai guy was the first time I came out about 5 years ago. And last sunday after finishing working out in mid afternoon there came a thai-chinese guy trying VERY hard to talk to me, so I made his day dream come true, I said hi.
4. The fact that I might be different doesn't make me special. Yes, finally I can conclude that after reevaluate the thought again and again for almost a year. Even though the feeling is dead for ages now but just can't help thinking that I might be special but the fact prooves itself that I'm not. I'm done.
5. The fact that I might be more beautiful doesn't make me get mo' men. Hehe.. just kidding. I feel really good about myself actually even though that darn favourite instructor asked me if I just ate big meal. RRRRRR!!!
Be good everyone.
The Confession of GymBenny: A Wannabe Muscle Boi
11.25.04 (11:48 pm) [edit]It's been 2 months already that I get back to the gym again as I abandoned working out and cursed all the muscle boys in the world for having better bodies than mine. Finally the whole 1 and a half hour routine proves really working!!! The first fitness test which took place a week after join the olympic club, I only weight 54.9 Kg which is way too thin and I knew that and look at me today 59.7 Kg, almost 5 kg in 8 weeks time ( actually it's up for 4 kg in the first 6 week and almost one last kilo has been added up 2 weeks later )
Not only the joy I have to myself but as last night after pushng my lazy ass to go torturing myself there. Wearing white sort of tight tank top, one of the good instructor as he always gives me work out tips just happened to notice my chest and said that I have reassy pec! Oh really...Thank you darling, my ego is about to explode, moreover he just walked closer and literally grab my chest...Oops now that is weird but nevermind he really admires me ( or my pec at least ). I think I could gain more energy to do additional 1-2 sets. I was really exhausted, good exhausted though. Ugh damn you!!!
Anyway, I went on to do another exercise that's when another instructor praised me like: "You get pretty much bigger now." oh really I thought to myself. "You've got good board shoulders and arms obviously." Oh now I don't believe you. "I think my shoulders are not board at all because all the time people think of me as a quite small person. "Just look at yourself in the mirror. See, you have shoulders and biceps also triceps as well. You'll have to compare that to yourself not to compare with someone else." Ehh...maybe the reason why I think that I never have board shoulders is that my head is too big, I think. That gave me more energy to do additional 2-3 sets. Oh boy I was really exhausted now, good exhausted though. Ugh damn you!!!
For some reason now I think I am attracted to men with good bodies and I think it becomes more and more obvious to me. Who wouldn't feel attractive to men with nice 6 packs ab right? There are 2 things that I'm sort of worry about which is that I'll become one of those muscle mary who whose life will be full of sex, work out and protein shake and the most important of all I'm afraid of meaningless life which lead to nowhere and when I realize that I'd wake up one day with wrinkle all over my face and life of nothing productive or useful. Oh boy, give me good body and conciousness well, if that's not too much yet I also want good sex also. Bitchslap.